The Legend of Lazarus

Lazarus… the life, death, and rebirth of a little purple monster.

Once upon a time, when a “slightly” smaller Yehudah dinosaur stalked the earth and a sweet young Captain Alex was called Corsair, there was a wee little family known as Sundragon. Now this family had a “tradition” they enjoyed during the holiday solstice; they wrapped up inexpensive but highly meaningful and thoughtful gifts and played a game called “full contact gift exchange melee” (or something like that).

In one particular year, this ugly little “white elephant” got stuck on someone. It wasn’t white or an elephant; it was, however, all sorts of ugly. And purple. And fat. Did we mention the ugly part? Whoever had the nerve to put it in the gift exchange in the first lace, whoever was the first poor sap to get stuck with it, and why was it allowed to exist at all are lost in the dim mists of antiquity (sort of like the wits of the squire choir).

Suffice to say that at some point Lazarus appeared as a gift. Somebody got stuck with it and took it home. They then rewrapped and re-gifted it for the next year. This continued for an indeterminate number of years until a wavy haired, pearly toothed Baron decreed that it was an abomination and must be destroyed in the name of humanity. The right to destroy it was auctioned off and (with much enthusiastic smashing of hammers and flinging of little purple bits) it was obliterated. And then the real story began.

Some squire who shall be left unnamed (Joseph) rescued the remains from the trash and meticulously glued every little purple fragment back together. Legend has it that other squires may have been equally guilty in the rebirth. Whatever. The next year some poor little boy picked a tall box when his number was drawn as the next in the gift exchange. He tore the paper wrapping apart, ripped open the top of the box, and discovered a card.


Puzzled, the little boy discarded the card, removed a handful of wadded paper and opened the next card, “Just when you thought you were safe.”

Now puzzled and slightly frightened, the little boy dug deeper into the box, flinging yet more wadded paper, and uncovered, “I’ll get you ALL.”

More wadding and cards may have appeared, but at the very bottom of the box was the very same little purple monster, reborn. To this day it cannot be said which expression was better: the confusion on the face of the child or the horror on the faces of the adults who recognized him. That day, Lazarus earned his name. Due to the amazingly silly nature of mankind, he then became a precious object to be coveted and desired. Wars were fought over gaining and adoring him. Alliances and treaties were made and broken in the hopes of winning him in the Sundragon solstice exchanges. Miracles were claimed in his name. As the years passed, he became more and more ornate, more and more powerful and alluring, gaining robes and crowns and thrones and other symbols of power and prestige and mates and companions on and on.

At Solstice, 2018, Their Excellencies Jacqueline and Gefroi saw fit to present Lazarus with an Award of Legs!!

And Lazarus will be the same as he was in the beginning.

Butt ugly, purple, and fat!